i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
