So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
