what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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