One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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