Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
