Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
