Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
