she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
