remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
