Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
