i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
