The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
