hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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