Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
