Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
