I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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