When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We had to coat check the pizza.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
