It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
