i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
