Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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