Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
