Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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