Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
