i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
