Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
