Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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