Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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