She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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