Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
