Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
