i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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