Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You are the jesus of drinking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
