I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
