What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
