I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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