DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
