It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
sex in a hospital.. check
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
