Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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