Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
