just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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