If that was your dad, he is hot
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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