We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
