i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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