Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
