you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
