Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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