Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
