the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
