I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
