singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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