Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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